The Beauty of Seeing One Another Developmentally
We do not make or deserve our worth and purpose, we receive it. That first sentence is no surprise to those who have received the gospel message with conviction. Perhaps a more novel discussion is just how our worth and purpose are progressively expressed as we develop over time. This is not to say that the older (or more mature) one becomes, the more worth they have. Not at all. Rather, I suggest to you that your worth and purpose are inherent, and become more complexly expressed.
God’s loving, creative act is mirrored in the process of human development. As we grow, our minds develop and our bodies complement our cognitive capacity. As theorists like Erik Erikson have pointed out, we begin as infants who search for nurture and sustenance with simple cries. Then we venture out on toddling legs to discover if we can enact mischief. Next, we test out or competence to achieve and create. And then we increasingly navigate the complex world of relationships, hoping to be acceptable and affiliated. Into adulthood we contemplate our place, seeking to contribute and enact the worth and purpose that was hard wired into us.
You achieve different levels of complex development throughout your life. We often forget that God authors and sustains the development of our increasingly complex skills related to problem solving, relationships, self-expression, empathy, synthesis, and more. Your choices, relationships, perceptions, and intentions, are all dependent on the state of your human development. You cannot run until you co-ordinate your legs. You cannot speak until you can symbolically represent language in your mind. You cannot solve complex hypothetical situations until you can manipulate multiple variables in the context of life’s complexities. You cannot experience stable self-worth until you root your identity in the experiential love of God.
Now, let’s get practical. Have you ever found yourself baffled, frustrated, or insulted by someone else’s behavior? Of course, you have! Maybe they were arrogant, culturally naïve, lazy . . . fill in the blank. Just as your complexity develops, so too does the humanity of your offender. Sometimes we are offended by someone who’s development does not allow for them to act as we had hoped. For example, someone who has never known kind attention, will likely be underdeveloped in their capacity to extend this to another who is in need. Alternatively, sometimes a developed self is oriented to towards self-preservation, self-enhancement, or self-defense instead of God’s kingdom intention, despite the developmental capacity to choose something else.
We cannot all master the science of human development, let alone know the extent of one another’s development. Yet we might slow down sometimes and ask ourselves, “how has this person’s human experience supported their growth (or lack of it), their complexity, their sense of identity, their experience of their own worth in ways that facilitate their expression of God’s creation intent (or kept them from it)?” Accepting the reality of human development, and looking for it in others, allows us to meet one another with understanding and compassion. When we attune to the reality of ourselves and those around us, we can engage in a manner that serves, rather than hinders or shames.
The theorist Vygotsky has a simple and profound metaphor for us to consider. He suggested that people can achieve new steps that were previously just beyond their reach when we “scaffold” their path. Perhaps the arrogant person needs a loving scaffold to develop self-awareness. Perhaps the culturally naïve needs a patient scaffold to explore their assumptions. Perhaps the lazy needs an invigorating scaffold that welcomes their potential and purpose. We can slow down and creatively consider actions that will facilitate the development of others. This is one element of loving others well.
Sanctification is not human development, but they are important friends. I leave you with these two questions that might just contribute toward a beautiful change: 1) How would your view of others change if you allowed yourself to consider their development, not just your experience of them? 2) Where could you “scaffold” life for another as they develop in God’s world?
